In just a few weeks, I will be celebrating my 60th Birthday. In honor of having reached this milestone, I will be writing a number of blogs in which I will be sharing stories about some of the people who have been a part of my journey and stories of events and places which have made an impact on my life over my 60 years of life.
Few people can say they have been friends for life and even fewer people can say of that friend, we could pass as twins if you didn’t really know us well. Stanley and I were first introduced to one another through the Cerebral Palsy Foundation where we were “students” and both undergoing therapy and learning skills we would need to function in a “normal” society. It is common in a setting such as the CP Foundation and having the same condition to form strong bonds and a sense of real community. We would need both if we were to make it in life.
Yet, for each of us at the CP School as we called it, we were just kids who happen to each have different levels of Cerebral Palsy. Friendships started as all friendships do while at school and rather than school lessons, we spent most of our time in small rooms undergoing therapy and learning other skills. I cannot remember how old we were but, like all best friends there came a time when we wanted to visit outside of school and to stay the night at each other’s houses on weekends. As children our weekends gave us time to just be friends and to hang out with our brothers and sisters. Yet, it was on these weekends that we got to really know one another and form our like brothers’ relationship. We quickly realized I think that we shared much of the same interests and that we had each other’s back. Being only three months apart in age, we would grow up together and would face many of life’s difficulties at the same time.
In our teenage years, we were given more opportunities to explore our worlds and we would for the first time be apart going to different schools but we did have weekends free and it wasn’t uncommon that we were together or speaking over the phone if we could not be together. It wasn’t also uncommon that during the summer to be together for longer periods of time. We had both managed to be a part of each one’s family and be thought of as an additional son. Even getting in to trouble together from time to time making our bonds grow stronger. As teenagers we would sit for hours outside a local Circle K or Quick Mart drinking a Coke and talking about our lives and our dreams. In those times together I think we were truly becoming brothers even telling some people we were twins and they believed us.
In our last year of high school, we had decided to even move in together so we could graduate together from the same class. When I had decided to take part in an independent living program during my early college years, Stanley decided to also take part in the program. Like the CP School we went through the experience together. While there in the program, Stanley would find his wife and like a true brother, Stanley would ask me to be his best man and we would run off all together early one morning to a church and have a pastor marry them.
While his marriage became his focus, we had realized that while we would always be friends and there for one another our lives were clearly headed down two different paths. I think we both saw that the time had come when both of us on some level needed to both grow up and become individuals. I would head to Colorado and then to Texas and Stanley would stay here and grow his marriage and family.
It would be my father’s passing that would bring me back home and a chance meeting at a store between my mother and Stanley that would end up bringing us together to talk. We had grown so much over the years and laughed together when we talked about how foolish we both had been toward one another. Like all brother’s we had grown beyond the issues and wanted to move forward as adults now. We ended our meeting that day planning to watch that year’s super bowl together with his family.
Little did I know it would be our last time together. I would be awakened by my cell phone and my mother asking me to listen to the news that morning because there had been a report of an officer involved shooting and the victim’s last name, she thought matched Stanley’s last name. When I listen to the news myself and the reporter had given the address where it had happened and I realized that indeed the address was where Stanley had been living, I called my Mom to say it was indeed him. As I sat beside my bed, I had thought about our meeting weeks earlier and about our conversation. I thought also about how we had just reconnected and the hope we had of going forward in our relationship. Now, I would need to say so long friend and see you again.
God puts only a few people in our lives, who are there with you through all that life throws at you. Stanley, for all his short falls and misgivings and we all have them. Made a lasting impact on my life and I am thankful we got to share so much and were there for one another even at the end. Thanks Stanley.
Thoughts? E-mail: francisearly@francisearly.com