If you read my “welcome page” you may have read that I spoke of coming out of a dark chapter in my life. One of the big reasons I had entered that dark chapter was because I had found myself in a church whose pastor and leadership was far more interested in grabbing the spotlight and spiritual legalism. You were fine as long as you took the Pastor’s word as the authority and you were able to conform to the ideal Christian image they had set as the standard. Run a foul or deviate from that standard you were made to feel unwelcome or asked to leave. In my case, our family had run a foul and I had taken the bold step to personally challenged the Pastor’s understanding of the events as well as his other reasons that led to our meeting. In the end, I left the church along with our family.
As someone whose whole adult life was built around ministry and who had made many personal sacrifices because that was expected when you serve others and God. I suddenly felt betrayed by the vary group that should welcome all who wish to enter the door regardless of their position or condition. Even after finding all the justification I needed for my beliefs and errors in my pastor’s beliefs and actions, that sense of betrayal didn't ease off. I had been wounded deeply and didn't even feel it at the time. If anything, I was feeling as if all that I had done and all the sacrifices I had made was totally worthless if the church was going to treat people like this. While anyone would feel justified in outright rejecting their faith, I realized that the issue was not with God but with those in the church whose pastor and leadership is far more interested in grabbing the spotlight and a spiritual legalism.
While I slowly came to a place where I could forgive, I struggled with the issue of spiritual legalism and trust. One just needs to read the New Testament once and you find this was the issue Jesus himself faced. Mankind has always sought to follow the rules and set themselves apart in groups of those who do and those who don’t follow the rules. So, I was in good company, I guess.
I happened a few months ago to see the movie I Can Only Imagine. It is the story behind the man and song which was one of the biggest crossover hit songs both in the Christian world and in the non-Christian world if you can divide the world into as such. The song had been one of my father’s and some friends’ favorites and I had decided to see it for that reason. As I often do, I wanted to explore the backstory on the person and the band. So, I sat up one night on the computer watching YouTube and exploring the internet looking at all I could find. One thing I found was a lot of was concert footage of the band. I happen to listen to the writer and singer of the song I Can Only Imagines’ personal testimony whose name is Bart Millard. What struck me was how he spoke about coming out of a place of legalism and trying to live up to the image of a perfect Christian and how it had almost made him leave Christian Music.
You can imagine that I was all ears at that moment because I was sitting right in that spot he was. What hit me was that Bart Millard was not speaking or testifying like any other Christian I had heard before. He was challenging the long-held view that it wasn’t what you do nor how good you are as a Christian because we can't do enough good things or follow all the rules or meet all the expectations people have. It had for him and the band come down to realizing that God can't love us any more than He already does and what is required of us has already been taken care of. All we need to do is accept it and live in it. What he was saying painted an image of a relationship with God that I had lost being wrapped up in legalism and trying to do something that was not mine to do.
As I lay in bed that night, I thought about two things. What is a relationship look like with a God who loves me so much and where I don't need to do anything to earn it and what is this thing called Grace really? I had a relationship with God broken and trashed as it was in my eyes but, I hadn’t thought about what it would mean if I didn’t need to try to be good enough or do all these things, I thought were required of me. My next thought was what if I just let go of it all and trusted that indeed I was already good enough and will always be good enough in God’s eyes. That thought gave way to the thought about what would it mean if I simply said no to legalism and rejected those views all together.
Friends there was no bright light that had gone off in my head telling me this is it but for the first time in years, I felt a freedom that I had not felt for a long time spiritually speaking because I realized I didn’t need to be anything but me and I felt a peace in saying it doesn’t matter anymore what people think about me nor does it matter if I happen to not live up to someone else’s expectations of how I live out my faith. All that matters is that I know in whom I believe and believe what He has done for me is enough.
Frank
Updated 11/08/2018
Thoughts? E-mail: francisearly@francisearly.com
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