I don’t think I need to say much about the Covid-19 virus. I think all of us have been impacted by the viruses affects. From where I sit, the virus has forced changes in my life. For example, my nephew who is a nurse was assigned to work in the Covid unit at his hospital. That change alone forced him to move away from us and in with another nurse at the hospital. Then, in April, I made the difficult choice to take a leave of absence from my job. I did so, out of an abundance of caution for my own well-being and that of my family until early June when I returned to work. In June without much fanfare, I celebrated my 60th birthday. I had hoped to gather with family and a few friends. Nature would decide otherwise. A lightning strike would cause a rather large forest fire that could be seen throughout the city and force the cancellation of my birthday camping trip.
With so much happening which is out of human control, one only has one choice, that is to adapt and change. Change is like that neighbor next door; you know the one that always comes at the most inopportune time to borrow your lawnmower and always brings it back empty of gas but always with a smile. You’re glad to help a neighbor but, just once you would love your neighbor to return the lawnmower with the gas tank full. When I was struggling to make the decision to take the leave of absence, I honestly didn’t know if I would ultimately be let go from my job and be forced to make another change.
It was at that point that my brother sent me an email with an attached article. The author of the article’s main point wasn’t to focus on the impact of the virus but, to focus on the potential opportunities the virus presented us both personally and as a community. As I thought about it and talked with my brother, I was able to see the virus in a different light. If I were to lose my job because I took a stand for myself. Then, I needed to see it as a new opportunity for me to do something different. If I didn’t lose my job then, I had the opportunity for self-evaluation and reflection.
With time on my hands, I began to take the opportunity to dust off some of the many books on my bookshelf. I’ve never been one to read for pure pleasure due to my dyslexia yet, with the invention of audiobooks and their popularity, I began reading books that challenged me to think outside the box. If you have read my blogs, you know that I have been experiencing a new chapter in my life. It started with the struggle to free myself from the Christian legalism that so entangles many and walking in this new freedom of grace. Through reading such books written by authors like Brennan Manning, Francis Schaeffer and Richard Rohr my view and my understanding of grace and living the Christian life has radically changed for the better. As I talk with friends about this new chapter in my life some have pointed out other books and authors that I may like to read.
As I have embraced the idea of grace, my relationship with God has changed. Where in my past life I was driven out of the idea of he is the master and I am the servant and my aim was to earn my Masters respect and love. The relationship is now largely driven out of the idea that we are friends and committed to one another. I remember one night being carried away with in the thoughts of just how amazing it was to have a friend who knows literally all about you and knows every motivation and thought I have ever had. I remember feeling ashamed (not in a guilty kind of way) but a shame that I had spent so much of time trying to earn something I already was given. I remember also having thoughts of I would sure like to offer you something for such a wonderful gift. The counter thought to that was what I have to offer in return would never make up for the gift of grace given so what is the point of offering it in the first place and it would be an attempt to say I earned it.
So how do you respond to your friend when he offers you such a gift and anything you do would never make up for it. In a human relationship, we would likely experience a deep sense of wonder and feelings of unworthiness. I think also that our love and respect for that person would grow and any thought of willingly hurting or wounding that person would be unthinkable. I think you would also out of love and connection take interest in your friend’s interest. A friend would also want to help you embrace your fears and your failures.
While I think I will always struggle with legalism and the pressure to conform to the expectations of others, I realize that any relationship with God means that I will need the community of other believers. Yet, there are islands even within the community of believers where legalism and conformity seemingly don’t exist. Part of my healing has come through being a part of Friends for Life. Friends for Life if you haven’t heard of it is a community of persons with various disabilities. It is a substantial part of the journey church of Tucson. From the pastor downward to the church community it is supported and encouraged that individuals with disabilities take part. You can read of my first experience in a blog I wrote titled the journey church.
While my current job doesn’t allow for much involvement in this community, I welcome it and I embrace it because I recently read something that I found something interest about community “that while our pain is often caused by individuals, our healing process comes through individuals as well.
While it’s difficult to know what the future holds, I wait with an expectation of being surprised at what is ahead. Stay tuned!
Thoughts? E-mail: francisearly@francisearly.com
Go Back To The Blog