I help co-lead a monthly gathering of young adults with disabilities. We have been covering this year with them what does it mean and how should we act as a young man when it comes to our relationships. Then there are also other aspects of our lives that we talk about. The topic as you can imagine is of great interest to the young adults regardless of their disability. There are a few young adults who rarely speak or ask a question. Then, you have some who would ask a thousand questions if they were allowed too. As a co-leader and an older person, you are often asked questions that are a challenge to answer and you are often asked to share your personal experiences.
The other night, I listened intently as a young man was sharing about his desire to find someone. I picked up from his voice and the type of questions he was asking that if he doesn’t or can’t find someone “to marry” his life will in some way be a failure. When I could, I jumped into the dialog going on and was quick to point out that the young man was “young” and we as humans lack the ability to see into the future and so we shouldn’t believe we are a failure. The other thing I was quick to point out was our views and ideas change over time. What is a do or die question or desire today will change over time as we grow as a person. The young man then asked if I were married and I said, “no, I am not.” I added that I was happily single and that being so did not make my life a failure and that in fact being single has allowed me to do so much that I wouldn’t have likely been able to do if I was in a committed relationship.
I could really feel this young man’s desire and the struggle as he shared. As I have thought about the conversation, I thought about how it seems that they have a greater amount of peer pressure on them and pressure society puts on young people today to conform is greater. That’s not to say there was no peer pressure or pressure from the society on people of the past. In deed there was and yet, today there seems to be a great amount of it that young adults face. I wish I had an answer that would work for everyone who faces such issues. If I could as an older person speak to the younger me it would be these things.
1. While there are enormous pressures to conform to what people expect you to be never allow those core things about you and that make you who you are to be changed. For in the right season of life those things will bloom.
2. Early voices in your life that attempt to tell you who you will be later in life are often wrong because they can not see the future and who you will be later in life.
3. Believing in someone bigger than yourself isn’t a sign of weakness. It is actually a reservoir of strength on which you can draw. So, believe in something bigger than yourself.
4-4-24
Thoughts? E-mail: francisearly@francisearly.com
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